The Three Engineers And Church Announcements Gone Bad

There are three engineers in a car: an electrical engineer, a chemical engineer and a Microsoft engineer. Suddenly the car engine shuts off, leaving the three engineers stranded by the side of the road. All three engineers look at each other wondering what could be wrong. The electrical engineer suggests stripping down the electronics of the car and trying to trace where a fault might have occurred.

The chemical engineer, not knowing much about cars, suggests that maybe the fuel is becoming emulsified and getting blocked somewhere.

Then, the Microsoft engineer, not knowing much about anything, comes up with a suggestion, “Why don`t we close all the windows, get out, get back in, open the windows again, and maybe it`ll work!?”

 ……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

What follows are ACTUAL announcements from ACTUAL church bulletins.

1. Don’t let worry kill you –let the church help.
2. Thursday night -Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing “Put me in my little bed” accompanied by the pastor.
7. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be “Little Mothers” will meet with the Pastor in his study.
8. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
9. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come forward and do so.
10. “Today’s Sermon: HOW MUCH CAN A MAN DRINK? With hymns from a full choir.”
11. On a New York convalescent home: “For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church.”
12. Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
13. Today the pastor will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing “Break Forth into Joy”
14. “Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget your husbands”.
15. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say hell to someone who doesn’t care much about you.
16. Remember in prayer those who are sick of our church and community.
17. Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on “It’s a terrible experience”.

 Find Out How $25 Can Change Your Life!