The Gym And The Rabbit

One fat guy goes to a popular GYM in Bangalore sees an ad for a new GYM guaranteeing to reduce anyone’s weight by 5, 10 or 20 kilograms on the first day. So he goes and tells them that he wants to lose 5 kg after which they lead him into a huge GYM with all kinds of ropes, parallel bars and ladders and tell him to wait a minute. He’s standing there when on the far side of the GYM, a door opens and out comes a beautiful girl; with a sign reading “If you catch me, I’m yours.” He starts running and just as he gets close, she starts picking up speed and before he knows it, he’s running all over the GYM; up the ladders, down the ladders and across the parallel bars.Just as he’s about to catch the blonde, pop, she disappears through a door and in comes the management who lead him to the showers where they weigh him at which point he discovers he’s lost exactly 5 kg.

He’s back on the street and starts to think; “Jesus, I was so close to catching her, if I had a little more time….” So he races back to the GYM and says, “I want to lose 20 more kg.” “No problem,” says the manager. Again, he’s led to the large GYM. This time he’s standing by the door when it opens and out comes a Gorilla with a sign reading, “If I catch you, you’re mine.” (Anon)

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The LAPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in:
They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that the rabbit does not exist.
The FBI goes in:
After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. They say the rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in.
They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: “Okay! Okay! I’m a rabbit! I’m a rabbit!”